Isolation.

Monday, October 12, 2015

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" The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. "

It's funny how people would always say " Be Yourself " but it often ends with rumours, betrayals, and dramas that were not even relevant but somehow people would pick those lies up and swallow them as if they have heard the actual truth behind that story. Perfection doesn't really exist, which I do not understand the reason why people just can't seem to accept it. I think that it's really a common sense thing, when a person tells you a secret, not just an ordinary secret but the kind of secret you would hide within yourself and bury it so that it can never be retrieved, you should learn how to take that secret and lock in a safe box or better yet throw it into the deep ocean so it never comes back. I just don't get why some people are so fucking fake. Not the fake as in barbie doll but the kind of fake when you make someone believe that you could trust them but then holds a knife at the back of your hand. I have never known betrayal like the way I have known this past few months. It's stupid when you confront them and all they can do is just deny. If you had the guts to say it, why not admit it ? But I'm glad I have moved on from those dramas by choosing not to care. Isolation.




I can't deny the fact that I've lost a part of me in the past. The feeling of love, perhaps? It's been 7 months, I dare not to feel the way I felt towards you with anyone else. Maybe one day I will feel hopeful again but until that day comes, I'll be here chasing my dreams, making myself a better person. A person that I would be happy with. I'm no longer giving a damn what people say. Maybe I've turned cold but I'm feeling better now. Because in the end, I still have my friends who would always believe in me.




I did not know that I could still feel it. By it, I mean things like when people tell you something you didn't wanna admit or accept but, it was thrown to your face and then you feel this ache in your heart; lost and devastated. I held on to something that wasn't meant to be hold. It's like picking up broken glasses on the floor, you know you might hurt yourself but you would still risk it. After knowing the truth, it felt like I was finally able to let it go. It was hard this past few months. I kept thinking of you. I tell people, I've forgotten you like how you have forgotten me. I couldn't accept the fact that something that made me so contented, vanished from my world just like that. And I keep telling myself, " I was never meant to love or be loved. " Waking up from that phase was painful, I walk little by little away from those memories. With a sigh of relief, this prison I was trapped in, I have finally escaped it.