"Do not fear for what
needs to be lost."
| Dark Rose. | Sunday, June 2, 2013 | Leave a comment |
Suddenly, this fear I've been having has gotten the better of me. And here I am, stuck at this point where things are so lovely yet deadly. It's much like a rose. So beautiful but so harmful. You can admire it from afar but once you touch it, you can't guarantee whether it'll hurt you or not. I was lost enough but these days, I've been losing my mind. I don't know if I should just let these build-up-walls down and see where my heart takes me to, paradise or hell or just form a stronger one than before. But this time, I'm not so sure if those walls will ever be let down again. I've been putting up walls, brick by brick for all these years. But why does it feel so different this time? Why do I feel so defenseless? So helpless of myself? I just find it extremely hard to block out everything this time. Everytime you say hi, I magically transform into this happy girl. You gave me feelings that I've never felt in a while. I couldn't stop smiling at your messages. Having a conversation with you just makes me feel like a better person, a happier person. A person who could see a light even at her darkest hours. No words could describe how this individual makes me feel. It just feels something like a fairytale. But then, at night, I return to the bitter reality. So afraid of what happened before, would occur again. I just hope it won't. Cause I might have forgiven, but I've never forgotten. Every single detail. It hurts so much to watch someone you love most walk step by step further away from you. It literally feels like your heart is being ripped out. You feel as if your chest has tighten so hard that you could feel your heart aching. You're not sick but every part of your body is aching too. I guess emotions really can take over our entire body. Nobody wants to go back to being that person they have moved on from. Truthfully, my heart has grown feelings for you. I don't know if you would read this or not but I wonder if you ever feel the same. I never want to put myself in a vulnerable position ever again. And now, you are my biggest fear. Don't think wrongly, I'm just a coward.
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